Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Relationships & Men with Children

Not hair related but I needed to vent.

So a friend and I were having a conversation about dating and the lack of quality, single, educated, employed, childless men. Well I am single, no children,well educated, employed, and well taken care of by myself. My "friend" is... let's just say the complete opposite. I won't down talk her or put her business out there. But she has a lot going on. So I hate when your "girlfriends" try to tell you how YOUR man or male friend should be treating you when they have no man, no friends, no prospects, can't keep a man, babies daddy issues, or have psychotic man issues. I made a comment that I don't personally like to date and won't get serious with a man who has young or multiple children. I basically got cursed out told I was rude, selfish, conceited, unfair and a bunch of other things. So I explained WHY it's not my PREFERENCE....

1. I'm selfish. Outside of God and working and even working excessively is an issue with me you need to make me a TOP priority. I understand we all have a life but when you're in a relationship you HAVE to make TIME for your partner. Point blank period.....

2. We are too old to be "going together" so if we've gone on a few dates and like each other. Eventually we decide we want to pursue a relationship. We need to be doing so for the sake of marriage and long term commitment not just because we like each other. We can like each other as friends, and I move on and meet my husband.

3. Children under 5 usually means you still have an attachment to their mother. They also get attached to other people easily also. Children over 10 have too much of an attachment to each parent to let someone else in. I had a step parent that I hated. Needless to say my mother didn't stay with him long. I don't want to have to get to know, butter up and sweet talk anyone's kids. I don't want to have to meet your baby momma and her momma and everyone else in the family just for us to be together. I don't want to go on play dates. I want to drink red wine and eat lobster. I don't want a 2 year old to fall in love with me then we break up that's unfair to the child. Children don't understand someone leaving their life abruptly. Sorry that's just not me. Go ahead and be a daddy by all means but be with a woman who has kids or who is possibly more understanding and flexible than I am. While I do like children that's something I want for my husband and I to experience together. I don't want a microwave family. Can I be that way? HELL YES.... Why? Because I'm not bringing children with me, I have no baggage, no babies daddys, no ex husbands. Just me and I'm a handful myself.

4. Men with more than one child by more than one woman or more than one marriage. I can't even kinda take seriously. You clearly have a pattern of not committing or using some form of protection so while they have 6 babies they probably also have a few std's, NO thank you. I don't want the baby, the std, or dealing with the system(child support).

5. I truly believe because God is so awesome and listens to our prayers he may not have given me what I wanted when I thought I was supposed to have it but he will give me the desires of my heart even when it comes to my family. I'll have a man that understands me and adores me that's not Gay,Psychotic, or a lie. I will have a man that will give me my son maybe two idk yet. We will live well and be good together so we all can grow in a cohesive family unit. God will be the head of our union so that all else will fall into place.

Don't get me wrong I love to see a man out with his child. Especially when he does it from his heart and not because of courts. But even more I love seeing ESPECIALLY BLACK MEN with their WIFE and children. It gives me hope.

Love
Elizabeth
(never a baby's momma)

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