Relationships & Men with Children

Not hair related but I needed to vent.

So a friend and I were having a conversation about dating and the lack of quality, single, educated, employed, childless men. Well I am single, no children,well educated, employed, and well taken care of by myself. My "friend" is... let's just say the complete opposite. I won't down talk her or put her business out there. But she has a lot going on. So I hate when your "girlfriends" try to tell you how YOUR man or male friend should be treating you when they have no man, no friends, no prospects, can't keep a man, babies daddy issues, or have psychotic man issues. I made a comment that I don't personally like to date and won't get serious with a man who has young or multiple children. I basically got cursed out told I was rude, selfish, conceited, unfair and a bunch of other things. So I explained WHY it's not my PREFERENCE....

1. I'm selfish. Outside of God and working and even working excessively is an issue with me you need to make me a TOP priority. I understand we all have a life but when you're in a relationship you HAVE to make TIME for your partner. Point blank period.....

2. We are too old to be "going together" so if we've gone on a few dates and like each other. Eventually we decide we want to pursue a relationship. We need to be doing so for the sake of marriage and long term commitment not just because we like each other. We can like each other as friends, and I move on and meet my husband.

3. Children under 5 usually means you still have an attachment to their mother. They also get attached to other people easily also. Children over 10 have too much of an attachment to each parent to let someone else in. I had a step parent that I hated. Needless to say my mother didn't stay with him long. I don't want to have to get to know, butter up and sweet talk anyone's kids. I don't want to have to meet your baby momma and her momma and everyone else in the family just for us to be together. I don't want to go on play dates. I want to drink red wine and eat lobster. I don't want a 2 year old to fall in love with me then we break up that's unfair to the child. Children don't understand someone leaving their life abruptly. Sorry that's just not me. Go ahead and be a daddy by all means but be with a woman who has kids or who is possibly more understanding and flexible than I am. While I do like children that's something I want for my husband and I to experience together. I don't want a microwave family. Can I be that way? HELL YES.... Why? Because I'm not bringing children with me, I have no baggage, no babies daddys, no ex husbands. Just me and I'm a handful myself.

4. Men with more than one child by more than one woman or more than one marriage. I can't even kinda take seriously. You clearly have a pattern of not committing or using some form of protection so while they have 6 babies they probably also have a few std's, NO thank you. I don't want the baby, the std, or dealing with the system(child support).

5. I truly believe because God is so awesome and listens to our prayers he may not have given me what I wanted when I thought I was supposed to have it but he will give me the desires of my heart even when it comes to my family. I'll have a man that understands me and adores me that's not Gay,Psychotic, or a lie. I will have a man that will give me my son maybe two idk yet. We will live well and be good together so we all can grow in a cohesive family unit. God will be the head of our union so that all else will fall into place.

Don't get me wrong I love to see a man out with his child. Especially when he does it from his heart and not because of courts. But even more I love seeing ESPECIALLY BLACK MEN with their WIFE and children. It gives me hope.

Love
Elizabeth
(never a baby's momma)

Flirty 30 Makeover before

So I've been told too many times in the one month that I've been 30 that I look like a teenager. While I'm grateful and blessed to have such a youthful appearance I also want to look my age. Or at least like an adult.  I truly believe I got stuck in my student gear and the relaxed going to be outside, painting, or playing with children t-shirt and jeans or sweats look I'd wear for my previous job. I worked at a non-profit we did many volunteer projects that we just so happened to be very Hands On thus the name in assisting the volunteers. Let me explain my clothes..... My favorite pants happen to be a pair of grey sweats from H&M(that I'm trying to resist buying in every color), and any of my graphic tees to wear with them. I wear my VS hoodie like it has my name on it and flip flops, Nikes, or New Balances are the shoes of choice. I know what I want my closet to look like but I guess getting stuck in the find a career and weight loss juggle I've found too much comfort in sweats, leggings, jeans, and tees. Don't get me wrong they are fine for the gym and possibly weekends but never for day to day wear. I also need to buy clothes that fit, I keep saying I'm going to have a yard sale of some of the items that are just a tad too big for me so I won't be tempted into fitting them again. I'm convinced the smaller your clothes are the smaller you have to be. ANYWAY.... So not only do I need to adjust my wardrobe but my look as well. I need to find a great style that works for me and my natural hair that can go from work to play anytime of the year. I'm thinking that style will probably be a sew in weave. For several reasons, #1 my hair frizzes at the site of moisture which happens to be a lot lately, #2 I hate trying to style my own hair, #3 I hate paying $80 to get my hair done only for it to frizz up or fall while leaving the salon, #4 I'm tired of trying new products, styles, etc. I just don't want to have to do much to my hair for a while call it lazy I'm calling it protecting my hair from breakage because I'm stressed on what to do with it. I know it's breaking off not doing anything for real to it buns are not a healthy style every singe day. Skin, brows, and makeup I have together I can get done up with the best of them. Weight loss I'm about to get back serious about my way of eating, my workouts, and being consistent. So I may not look 30 but I won't look 16 either I'll just appear to be a well rounded, well put together and dressed adult. Thanks everyone have a blessed day.
Love
Elizabeth